Wadannan banbance-banbancen sun samo asali ne daga cewa ta yadda kowa yake ganin abubuwa daban, hakan yasa idan aka zo zancen Masoyi/Masoyiya, to abin ba abu ne mai sauqi ba, shi yasa dole ne muyi hankali wajen zaben abokin/abokiyar zama.
Mutane sun banbanta a abubuwa daban-daban, amma anan zamuyi magana ne kawai akan abubuwan da suka shafi soyayya, abubuwan kuwa sun hada da:
• Jinsi (yare, gari, qabila,…)
• Sifa (dogo, gajere, mai qiba, fari, baqi,…)
• Ilmi (Addini, boko, wayewar zamani,…)
• Hali (Sauqin kai, saurin fushi, kulawa, mantuwa,…)
Jinsi
Jinsi yakan taka rawar gani a soyayya, mutanen da suka fito daga jinsi daya sunfi samun sauqin yin soyayya akan wadanda suka fito daga jinsuna mabanbanta. Duk da dai cewa soyayya takan yiwu koma daga wanne jinsi da wanne ne suka hadu, amma idan dai ana maganar yin TSAFTATACCIYAR SOYAYYA, to lallai sai an kula da wannan.
Kowanne Jinsin mutane na duniya suna da al’adu daban-daban, al’adun wasu jinsin ba dole ne su zama karbabbu a wani jinsin ba. Misali akan haka kuwa shine: yana daga cikin al’adun wasu jinsin mutane a nan Najeriya cewa Masoya biyu zasu iya haihuwa kafin suyi aure, mace tana iya tafiya gidan saurayinta tayi kwana da kwanaki, babu abin jin kunya tsakanin ‘da da mahaifi ko kuma ‘ya da mahaifiyarta. Ire-iren wadannan abubuwan dadai sauransu suna nan wadanda yawancinsu ba’a iya gane illolinsu sai bayan anyi aure. Misali na biyu shine: babu yanda za ai kai Abul Adfal ‘dan Najeriya kace sai Balarabiya mutuniyar Saudiyya zaka aura, kai ma kasan zata so ka ne kawai dan wani abu daban, amma inba haka ba, garinsu yafi naku, ta fika kudi, ta fika kyau, ta fika kwanciyar hankali; to indai tana son rayuwar farin ciki da kwanciyar hankali wanne dalili ne daga cikin dalilai zai sa ta soka? Bayan qasar taku Najeriya ko abinci ma bai ishe kuba? Ko kuwa kana so ta fito daga inda take karyawa da naman ‘dawisu tazo inda zata ke karyawa da koko da qosai? Ko ke Ummul Adfal ‘yar Najeriya baza kiso ace kin saba karyawa da koko da qosai kullum kije gidan da ake karyawa da quli-quli a kora da ruwa ba, kin saba cin abinci sau uku a rana ace yanzu sai dai sau biyu ba…..Qwarya tabi qwarya! Mu hadu a kashi na gaba.
Mu Koyi Soyayya
Zaben Masoyi/Masoyiya
Kashi na 2
Siffa
Siffa ma tana taka muhimmiyar rawar gani wajen zaben masoyi/masoyiya . Abubuwan da ya kamata a kuladasu kuwa sun hada da:
Tsayi (dogo, gajere): Kamar a sauran abubuwan soyayya; guguwar so takansa masoya su manta da banbancintsayin dake tsakaninsu, wato suna amfani da cewa 'so mai hana ganin laifi/aibu'. Wannan babu laifi saboda shi banbancin tsayi a waje 'daya ne idan banbancin yayi yawa yakan hana tafiyar da soyayyayadda ya kamata musamman soyayyar bayan aure ( wacce bazan iya yin maganarta anan).
Kala (fari, baqi, kore): Banbancin launi tsakanin masoya biyu shima abin kar a kula ne indai sunason juna; shawara ta dai itace a taimaka ake dan sirkawa kada ace qwarya tabi qwarya.
Jiki (Siriri, mai qiba): Idan ana maganar jiki kuma, wannan ma mutane suna da ra'ayoyi mabanbanta,wannan zaice mace mai qiba, waccan zata ce tafi son namiji madai-daici. To Koma dai ya abin yake indai sun amince da juna shike nan, illa dai maza masu qiba suyi haquri su dinga neman mata madai-daitako kuma masu qiba, amma ba sirara ba don gudun kada suyi barna
Shekaru (Yaro, Tsoho): Anan ma babban abinda yake aiki shine naji-na-gani, duk wanda kaga ko kika ga yayi maka/maki to shikenan, amma don Allah tsofaffi su daure su haqura da yara, subarsu suci zamaninsukamar yadda suma suka ci nasu....................................................mu hadu a kashi na 3
Mu Koyi Soyayya
#Zaben Masoyi/Masoyiya
#Kashi na 3
ILMI
Bama a soyayya kadai ba, ilmi ya kasance yana taka muhimmiyar rawar gani a duk halin da mutum ya tsinci kansa. Hakan yasa ya zama dole ga kowa da kowa; samari da ‘yan mata da su nemi ilmi don samun cigaba a rayuwarsu ta duniya da lahira. Idan aka ce ilmi anan ana nufin ilmin:
-Addini
-lmin zamani (boko)
-Ilmin iya zama da jama’a
...da dai duk wani ilmi da zai taimaka rayuwar dan adam taci gaba.
Shawara ga samari anan itace lallai ya kamata saurayi ya nemi mace mai ilmi na addini dana boko daidai gwargwado. Auren macen da bata da ilmi na da illoli da yawa wanda suka hada da rashin sanin haqqoqin miji, rashin iya tafiyar da gida, rashin iya bawa yara tarbiyyar data dace da dai sauransu. Sannan idan aka sami macen da take da ilmi a bangare daya kawai (addini ko kuma boko kawai) to nan ma akwai matsala, har gara ma wacce take da ilmin addini kawai indai tabi dokokin addinin to sai dai kawai ace bata san sauran abubuwan zamani da zasu qarawa aure dadi ba. Amma idan aka ce mace ilmin boko kawai ta sani to gaskiya akwai matsaloli da yawa, dan kuwa rayuwarta zata fi qarfi ne a irin rayuwar turawa.
Shawara ga su kuma mata itace da su dage su nemi ilmin addini, boko, iya zama da jama’a, ilmin iya abinci kala-kala, ilmin iya tarairayar maigida, kisisina, rangwada, yanga daidai sauransu. Sannan su tabbatar sun samu mijin da shima yake da ilmi ba jahili da bai san haqqin matarsa ba.
Ta haka zamu gane cewa neman ilmi ya zama dole kenan akan kowa; saboda haka sai mu kiyaye.
.’yan uwa anan zan dakata sai mun hadu a kashi na 4 yanda zamu tattauna akan Hali (Sauqin kai, saurin fushi, kulawa, mantuwa,…)
Mu Koyi Soyayya
Zaben Masoyi/Masoyiya
Kashi na 4
Hali (Sauqin kai, saurin fushi, kulawa, mantuwa,…)
Idan ana maganar halin mutum; babban abinda ya kamata mutane su duba wajen zaben masoyi shine su zabi mutumin da duk al’umma ta shaida cewa shi ba mutumin banza bane. Idan ana maganar halin kirki ko riqo da addini kuw dama dole wani yafi wani, amma akwai wanda ko qaramin yaro yasan cewa bashi da kirki, irin wadannan mutane sune abin gudu.
Akan sami wasu mutanen da sukan hada halin tsiya dana kirki a tare, abinda ya kamata ayi anan shine sai a auna a gani indai halin kirkin ya rinjayi na tsiya sannan kuma halin tsiyar bawai abune wanda duk al’umma ta sani ba to sai ayi haquri dashi a haka. Dalilin da yasa za’a haqura kuwa shine saboda kowa yana da halin tsiya daya ko biyu (harda ni mai rubutun da kuma kai ko ke mai karantawa).
Idan ana maganar hali ta bangaren fushi sauqin kai da kuma wahalar sha’ani, koma yaya mutum yake to sai a daure a koyi zama dashi, idan mai saurin fushi ne to sai a karanci irin abubuwan da baya so sai a guji yi masa su tunda bayan fushin ai akwai sauran abubuwan qaruwa a tare dashi (wata qila ma shine mafi kyawun saurayi a dandalin nan mai sa mata su. . .).
. . .mu hadu a kashi na gaba mai taken GININ SOYAYYA!!!
Mu Koyi Soyayya
#Zaben Masoyi/Masoyiya
#Kashi na 5
BA ANAN TAKE BA
Ina son masoya su fahimci cewa duk da wadannan hanyoyi na zaben masoyi/masoyiya da aka jero, soyayya ta kasance tana shiga tsakanin mutum biyu ba tare da su kansu sun san ta yaya soyayyar ta shiga ba. Ita kanta soyayyar ta san gurin da ya dace ta shiga, akwai wadanda da ka gansu kasan babu yadda za ai soyayya ta shiga tsakaninsu kasancewar basuyi ko kusa da su dace da juna ba.
Wato abin nufi anan shine duk da dai kowa yana da nashi zabin amma wani lokacin sai kaga a farkon harduwarka da mace kawai sa kaji a kamu da sonta ba tare da ka sani ba, kaga kenan baka san yaya take ba balle kabi wadancan hanyoyi da aka lissafo wajen zaben, amma duk da haka sai kaji soyayyar ta shiga.
Sannan akwai soyayyar da kuma ake kira da ‘Soyayyar Naji Na gani’, wato soyayya ce wacce mafi yawancin mutane zasu bada shawarar cewa kada ayi ta; dan bata dace ba, amma kuma masoyan biyu sai suce sunji sun gani sun yarda, wato koma me zai biyo baya to zasu iya dauka kenan.
Wata nau’in soyayyar kuma shine wacce ake hada ta, kamar hadin zumunta, idan aka ci sa’a tayi dai-dai to sai kaga an zauna lafiya, idan kuma aka samu akasin hakan to sai kaga al’amarin ya zama wani iri.
Sai kuma wasu mutane wadanda su kuma basu da zabi, idan namiji ne to shi kawai duk macen da aka aura masa to tayi, haka suma matan duk namijin da aka aura musu zasu zauna dashi. Haka dai abubuwan suke mabanbanta saboda haka sai a kiyaye.
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